


I Will Fly With No Hope, No Fear

by BringMeThePhan



Series: Songfics [10]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Song fic, The ending is pretty happy though, also depression/anxiety referenced, but oh well, kind of a vent fic I guess, this is probably gonna get so angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-07 20:39:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7728928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BringMeThePhan/pseuds/BringMeThePhan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>The ocean seems like a good climax for a story- a grand finale, </em> Josh thought to himself waking up early that Sunday morning</p>
<p>
  <strong>Title: Isle Of Flightless Birds- Twenty One Pilots</strong>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Will Fly With No Hope, No Fear

**Author's Note:**

> Well I had a really bad day today, so I decided to try and move on from that with this. So yeah, this is a bit of a vent fic... but whatever I really wanna get some of this stuff out of my head. Like even after school and everything today the only thing I feel like I actually _did_ and wasn't on like auto pilot or something is eat dry cereal and drown myself in sweater/blankets. In the middle of summer. It was one of those days... But enough about me being annoying, I hope you guys like this

_The little blue bird walked out to the cliff, looking over it cautiously at the drop. Today was its first attempt at flight- a marker of the bird being full-grown and ready to take life on by the talons. He was always surrounded by nothing but black- ravens, crows, and other dark birds; even his own parents were ravens. The little blue bird was alone in kind, but he tried to never be deterred by that._

_He extended his frail wings, letting the wind glide around them, almost lifting his small body off the ground. He pulled his wings back in and steadied himself, preparing for a running start. Others began to gather, bemused that such a small bird would attempt to fly all on his own, without being taught by anyone beforehand. The bird ignored the sideways glances and steadied himself before taking off at the cliff. He opened his wings just as his feet left the ground, letting the wind propel him. He flapped with all his might, looking down as the ocean waves roared over jagged rocks. He took a deep breath and began to propel himself higher._

_The crows looked upon him, a smug glint in their eyes. The bird looked around in confusion, until the most agonizing crack was heard- one of his wings turned to an unnatural angle, the wind being too much for his small body. Fear coursed through the blue bird as his other wing began to bend backwards. He heard another awful crack before he started plummeting towards the rocks and the waves, leaving a trail of bloodied feathers in his wake. The crows began to caw at him repeatedly, their sounds slowly becoming a distinct sound. ___  
_“Josh! Josh! Josh! Josh-“_  


“Josh.” I looked back from where I stood at the edge of a cliff, staring down at the sharp rocks and brutal tide.  
  
“Hey.” One of the guys from school approached- Tyler. I didn’t know him much, only from one or two group projects. I was a little surprised to see him all the way out here, but I didn’t let on to that.  
  
“How are you?” He said, walking closer. I looked back down over the edge.  
  
“Pretty alright.” He sat down next to where I stood on the grass.  
  
“There’s a lovely view up here…” I looked out where he was talking about, the ocean and shoreline completely obscured by a thick layer of fog.  
  
“Not really, it’s really foggy out today.” He scoffed.  
  
“Not _out_ , down.”  
  
“Oh… yeah, I guess.” I said, staring back down the bottom of the cliff.  
  
“The tide’s really strong today. I’d hate to be stuck in that- get thrashed around into the rocks.” I nodded, bloody blue feathers flashing back in my mind, changing to frizzy blue hair matted together by blood- my hair. Tyler had a gentle manner to him, deep brown eyes and hair to match it. If he were to be any kind of bird, it would be a dove. Not pure white, but there’s other kinds of doves.  
  
“So what brought you out here today? It’s pretty far away from home…” I asked. He shrugged.  
  
“Oh, just like to look at the coast every now and again. It’s better during the summer, but it’s always nice out.”  
  
“Yeah, but why are you _here_? There’s a lake closer to home, and other beaches that aren’t quite so secluded, with better surf.”  
  
“If I’m intruding, just say so. I can go, and you can get it over with if you really want. I was just hoping you’d realize there’s someone here for you, even if we don’t know each other that well. Do you want something to eat? I have snacks in my car.” I shook my head, pulling my arms closer to my chest.  
  
“Okay, then a blanket? You don’t seem all that well prepared for a trip out here, since you didn’t even bring a sweater.” Again, I shook my head.  
  
“No, I think I’ll be fine here for a while.” He shrugged.  
  
“Okay, if you’re sure.” He stared out, showing no sign of leaving any time soon. I looked down at him.  
  
“You’re still here.” He stared back up at me.  
  
“Heh, I guess I am… ‘S not like I’ve got anywhere to go today.”  
  
“How come?”  
  
“Because it’s the weekend? And it’s the middle of March, it’s really not like much goes on about now. St. Patrick’s Day maybe, but I know you’re not one for parties. Neither am I, if it helps knowing that.”  
  
“No, I mean why you’re still here.” I started to grow uneasy with him here, and all of the thoughts and final wishes waiting to be taken care of inside me.  
  
“Oh. Because it’s like I said before, I want you to know you’re not alone- you don’t have to do it.”  
  
“Do what? If you know why I’m here, why don’t you tell me then?” I huffed, slowly edging a little closer to the cliff edge. He stared out at the foggy view, brown eyes glazed over.  
  
“You want to jump. You’ve wanted to for a long time, and you want to do it here because it’s far away from home. You want an end, but you’re too afraid of your family finding out that you have depression, or that your anxiety is becoming too much to handle on your own.”  
  
“How do you-“  
  
“I observe a lot around school, Josh. I know who’s dating who, which ‘slut’ got laid in the bathroom, who gets stoned or high in the bathroom each day, and pretty much anything anyone’s got to hide. It’s easy to do when you don’t have many friends, or different things occupying your thoughts. I’ve seen you in the bathroom too. I was so hopeful when you flushed them away, but it seems you had bigger plans.”  
  
“Flushed w-what away?” I said, avoiding his stare.  
  
“The blades. A whole lot of them, too. Here’s a little tip for next time- if there is: don’t flush them, it scratches the porcelain and messes with the pipes. You get found out that way. Try burying them somewhere you won’t remember, like an empty field.”  
  
“But then they’re-“  
  
“Ready for you if you feel the need to start again, and happen to actually remember them. Which I hope doesn’t happen.” I stared down at the ground in front of me before breaking down. I knelt down on my knees, choking out sobs.  
  
“I-I just… I c-can’t do this anymore! They a-all try to tell me what I f-feel is just ‘in my head, all made-up’. But if I-it’s in my head, does that make it any le-less real? They do-don’t know about the cuts, o-or the pills, or anything else! They’re su-supposed to, they’re my f-family! You kn-know more than them and I hardly even know yo-you!” He rubbed circles in my back in attempt to calm me, but didn’t say a word. He sat quietly with me, waiting until I had started to just sniffle.  
  
“I didn’t know about the pills. Melatonin?”  
  
“Y-Yeah.”  
  
“Yeah, I figured. They help you sleep, but the nightmares-“  
  
“How do you know so much about all this?” He pulled one of his sweater sleeves up to his elbow, dozens of red slashes healing up across it. I gasped softly.  
  
“Because like I said- you’re not alone. I want to help you before it’s too late. No one helped me, and it was almost too late for me. But I made it out of that somehow- making it out. It’s still hard some days…”  
  
“You- You did it too…”  
  
“Yeah. There’s more that I did, but that’s not important right now. Now unless you genuinely enjoy not eating for days on end because you ‘forgot’ or some other reason, I have some snacks in my car if you want. And some water, you’ll probably be needing that.” I nodded, following his lead when he got up.  
  
“Okay.” We walked over to a minivan parked down a little ways.  
  
“I think I brought some cookies- chocolate chip- and, I don’t know, orange slices or something.” I nodded, taking a cookie and bottle of water from him.  
  
“Thanks…”  
  
“No problem.” I sat down on the floor of the van by the open sliding door, slowly pulling the cookie apart into pieces and eating them. He sat down beside me, staring out at the cliff from a distance.  
  
“What were you thinking about when I first came up to you? You were really out of it.”  
  
“Birds- flightless birds.” He nodded.  
  
“I guess in some senses that’s all we are- we’re stuck, and can’t fly or find our way out of it. No wonder they use birds for a symbol of freedom, because they’re able to just fly away from their problems.”  
  
“Yeah, that makes sense.” He reached over and draped a blanket around my shoulders as I took a sip from the water.  
  
“There. Now maybe you won’t be so cold.” I scoffed.  
  
“I wasn’t cold.” He rolled his eyes.  
  
“I saw goosebumps on your arms from over here, dude. Just take the blanket.” I smiled slightly, holding it close to me.  
  
“Thanks.”  
  
“You’re welcome.” He threw orange peels from the slices he ate on the ground.  
  
“We should probably start heading home. It’s a school night, after all.” I sighed.  
  
“Yeah, probably.”  
  
“Are you going to be alright to drive?”  
  
“I didn’t drive here. I took a bus to the closest stop, and then walked the rest of the way.” His eyes widened.  
  
“Geez, that’s a long walk. And the buses are probably done for the day… I’ll give you a ride home, alright? I won’t drive that fast either, so you might be able to sleep a bit on the way back if you want.” I stood up and moved to the passenger seat.  
  
“Okay. Thank you so much. For everything.” He smiled slightly.  
  
“No problem.” I buckled the seat-belt and curled up in the chair. Tyler flipped through the radio stations for a while before settling on one playing eighties hits. I leaned against the window before falling asleep.  


“Hey, Josh. Wake up.” Tyler shook me gently while stopped.  
  
“Are we back already?”  
  
“In town, yes. I don’t know where your house is though.” I yawned while sitting upright.  
  
“Take the next left, and then a right at the second stop sign.” He nodded, following my directions.  
  
“Okay, and then which house?”  
  
“It’s down a ways. The neighbors have a pink Barbie jeep in the driveway.” He laughed slightly.  
  
“Alright, I will be looking for a Barbie jeep then.” I curled back up in the seat, pulling the blanket closer around me. He stopped a few moments.  
  
“And here we are.” I opened the door, sending him a weak smile before walking into my house. My parents were already asleep, so I made sure to be quiet when walking upstairs to my room. I glanced over at the bottle of pills on the nightstand, a small sticky note on it as a reminder for ‘in case the ocean doesn’t work. I looked out the window to see Tyler driving off before back at the bottle, taking it to the bathroom and dumping it down the drain. I smiled softly before lying in bed, Tyler’s blanket still around me. My phone buzzed right before I fell asleep  
  
**From: Tyler :) Received: 10:48pm** _Sleep well :)_

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote something else based off this thing I do where like, I don't know how to explain it! Like, there's synesthesia and you can see colors and stuff listening to music, but I can like piece a whole world together just from a few colors and smells from different songs? I think that's close enough lol. But yeah, this is written based off that like my one- shot "The Breath I Saw Was Not My Own" if you wanna see more on me being weird and probably annoying


End file.
